Somehow, i think i need to see a doctor. Perhaps i need a couple of pills to treat my depression. I learnt that beer is bad for you, and those who actually think about drowning ur sorrows in beer are realli stupid. i realli wonder at times that im some sort of ah qua deep down coz i cant figure out why i would be affected by sunday blues so much. I feel so heavy. Not my physical weight coz i got this digital weighing scale that is not suppose to lie to me. I cant realli breath and i dont think tats because of my small nasal passage. Something is pushing me down into the waters, preventing me to catch/steal a breath above the surface. I do hope this is not a repeat of the commando training as i wish not to die so young an age.

Hung out with my parents today. I love my dad. He is always doing things for me behind my back, Never ever complaining. Recently, he painted my room in time for the renovation so that the contrast between my new furniture and the wall is a little better. The plastic chair he stood on gave way due to old age and he fell on his butt. Worst of all, his head hit the door. I only found out today coz my mum was telling my sis. I felt so bad. I almost cried. The day i came home after he finished painting, i dont remember thanking him enough. I was commenting on the choice of colour being a tint to blue while i was thinking about a rather creamy colour. Instead of hugging him and thank him, i cannot believe i told him wad i said. No doubt i offered my gratitude but it was rather half hearted. I hate myself. Papa, I loVe YOU!!

i think i have been rather mean to my frens lately. Paiseh xiao ehz. My new nickname is paiseh chen. Paiseh Chen Idiot. oR you can call me renahdiot or pai-ah-ren. or Seh-yiren. The last one quite nice. =)