Ever had the feeling of waking up in the morning and not knowing who you are? Right... besides being drunk the previous night and having that strange and indecently dressed woman lying next to you. Woke up this morning like any other morning. about half an hour ahead of my alarm clock. I force myself to return to bed only to catch another 10 minutes of sleep. The image of my boss kept appearing in my mind, reminding me to wake her up at the stipulated timing. Failing to do so... nevermind. That's not the topic of discussion. for today. Read the papers and found out that the JC syllabus has yet again, CHANGED. However, there is something different this time round. Big time change. The long proposed project work has been implemented as an "A" level subject. Students are now required to take up a subject outside their usual stream, meaning S6 people are not longer the freaks we knew them before. Students can choose to take 5 subjects with 2 at AO level (half the contents). It sort of made me think alittle. Nothing about the JC ciriculum though, i was being self centred as i went about thinking about the tuition jobs i might be getting next time. Now that tuition has stopped for the holiday, so has my income. It didn't help that i jumped into the purchase of D70 recently. Financial woes. I guess i'm better than some of my peers. The things i'm not paying for

1. Car installments - this is major, but it's ending soon. My dad can finally stop nagging.
2. Rental of one bedroom with a queen size bed. - i suspect my mum is going to collect it soon
3. Electric and water bills. - hmmmz...
4. Insurance - i don't know if my parents bought any for me, but i'm paying one on my own.

I can't help but think that i'm still a nSf who has yet to embark on the uni journey. Darn the dumb bills. Okie, this wasn't on my mind this morning. Rather, what should i do in the future? I've always thought that i'm pretty interested in biomedical engineering. I was sooo sure, that i managed to convince people from A*STAR, DSTA and other agencie. Perhaps i was keeping myself from the truth, convincing others and myself included... I've lost interested in everything, or rather, everything seems interesting to me that nothing stands out anymore. Is it because i've not been keeping in touch with the medical world for too long a time? i certainly hope not. Passion for science can't possibly be extinguish just like that. That's not real passion right? I tried pushing the blame to tuitioning. Repeating myself over and over again about the same topics numb my senses towards studying. I can no longer sit in the class listening to the lecture patiently anymore. I rather be out there sitting on a bench and reading thru the text book, exploring the subject by myself. What's the use of school when you have a text!? Guidance? from those dumb local fools that caused me my grades last year? Dun know why SIM pay them so much just to go mumbling about things not even in the syllabus. irritating. Then again, i'm overestimating my own abilities by thinking that i can go through this degree course without attending any lectures. Some body help me!!! Pls tell me i'm going through some identity crisis. I wanted to cycle when i woke up. Went to pump some air into the tyres but end up sitting at the table reading papers with breakfast. The interest lost. Flipping through the papers, i picked up nothing but plain words that didn't enter my barren vocab bank nor the empty content bank. Interest lost. Mopped the floor, twice. Interest lost. Listening to the radio with air waves banging my head instead of vibrating my ear drum. Interest lost.

Let me go get my bible... Interest....